Month: February 2013

Mind of a Junkie

The day passes by staring into oblivion, frozen in time, surrounded by ambiguous pool of thoughts. The only friend I have is my own reflection but sometimes I fight with it also.

Constantly trying to make some sense of the lines on my wrists and arms, if they are helpful enough to show me some sign or a way. Sitting with an empty head, shaking, sweating, mumbling and suddenly everything becomes blurred resisting the urges but the craving is enormous, even the preeminent gladiator would not be able to win this battle with my inner self.

Minutes becomes hours and hours becomes days as I continue to stare into darkness with a vivid imagination. The only peace I have is when I lay on the ground and hear the trumpet sounds because the pain is shifted into the background, this pain is the only thing that is real and the only feeling I have.

Broken, battered and bruised I walk; my eyes are red, staring at this big circular monument which I call it the circle of hope, trying to remember the merry days spent here but the state of insomnia ruins my merry memories as I recall them in parts. Some of the worldly treasures I have are the merry memories of the past which I call it my hidden treasure but now those are also fading away.

We are always changing with time and it’s a vital part of our lives and it can be anything, change in habits, friends, clothes, thoughts etc. I have also changed; a vital part of me has changed which are my past memories. Now it includes two needles, an arm band and some delusional thoughts which I have sometimes.

I hope this addiction doesn’t go away because this is the only reason I live for and to feed its growing need. Alive I feel, Alive……

Friends! a blessing in disguise or just a myth.

Mickey-Mouse-and-Friends-Wallpaper-disney-6603910-1024-768

They say old friends are like mirrors, they always tell you the true. They also say you outgrow your friends at some point in your life. The thing with friends is, you cry with them, sometimes you lie to them, sometimes you fight with them but at the end of the day you still think they are god’s gift.

You blindly follow your soul double, that’s what I like to call a true friend, into the unknown or a grey area. This friend is like a ray of sunshine in a dark cave, such pure relationship or pure passion whatever you may call it.

Sometimes you also get hurt when you see your friend drifting apart because of some reason you may or may not know. All the love, happiness and faith, fundamentally the bond and emotions between the two friends takes a beating. Giving up on lost relationships might be the paramount option in the near future or is there a “friend’s forever” stage?

I fear of that day when I, myself am the only friend l am left with.

secrets graphic

Secrets are like dark nights, black as a pit. Everyone has one, some are guilty of it, some try to live with, and some make peace with it and some just lock it in a safe behind the painting.

Our conscious is never free, without any obligation, there is always something clinging on. There is no control but until secrets are hidden deep inside we feel in control.
Pinching, pestering and prodding its owner of its existence and making sure that it is not forgotten but, once exposed, the owner becomes its slave. Secrets are burden and it can be painful for our soul to carry it around. The idea of tossing secrets into the open is there, in front of the world but we are never ready for when our secrets are tossed into the open.
The big question is; will we get the inner peace if we set our secrets free or will it end the peace we have now?